« http://www.fhm.co.za/ | Main | The perfect way to start a birthday »
November 07, 2004
Near-death experience
So I was just sitting on the crapper, enjoying some me time reading The Da Vinci Code, when the biggest Parktown Prawn I have ever seen scuttled past me. To say the least I shat myself so bad, I couldn't.
Moments later, pants on and armed with a man sized wad of bog roll, I went on the hunt. I cornered the bastard behind the gas heater and with all the manliness I could muster I threw the toilet paper (2-ply I think), alas the beast was not beaten easy, it jumped from its papery cage with a look of pure hatred, by this time my heart was pounding a rhythm that would make any nu-metal drummer proud. My life flashed before my eyes, but just as I was about to surrender, something clicked and I pounced screaming "I'M NOT READY TO DIE!", before I knew what I was doing I had it in the toilet paper, but I squeezed a bit tight and heard a loud popping noise. Man, I'll never, ever, forget that smell.
It's definitely time to move house...!
Posted by Rich...! at 10:17 PM in Rants | Permalink
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83452464069e200d83421a26a53ef
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Near-death experience:
» Near-death experience for Rich...! from Aquila Online
Rich...! over at Jo'blog seems to have had a near-death experience involving a Parktown Prawn and a roll of 2-ply toilet paper. Go read it - it's some nasty stuff. [Read More]
Tracked on Nov 12, 2004 12:29:34 PM
Comments
You grabbed it? No way dude, the only way to deal with PPs is to unload half a can of Doom on them, and hope they peg before they unload their goop of doom.
No way I'd try to make contact with them while they're alive, no matter how much bogroll was between me and them :)
Posted by: Colin | Nov 7, 2004 11:43:11 PM
How could you?! Parktown Prawns are marvellous creatures, as mutant, as "mal", and as larger-than-life as any humans who have ever been crazy enough to make their home in Gauteng. Next time, just grab a big Tupperware dish and a broomstick, coax the Parkie in, close the lid, and gooi them into the garden, where they will go happily to work keeping lesser pests under control. And stop being such a wimp, for heaven's sake. They can't bite you, and they are as much a part of the scenery of Jo'burg as Hyde Park kugels and freelance parking attendants.
Posted by: Joller | Nov 8, 2004 5:13:01 AM
Dude, do you think for a second that I had the guts to squash that sucker? It was a mistake, my plan was to toss it into my neighbours garden...!
Posted by: Rich...! | Nov 8, 2004 8:52:19 AM
Oh, okay, got it. That's a good plan. Always works for me. Just make sure your neighbours are nice people who wouldn't harm a mutant creature who wouldn't harm them. The only thing I don't like about Parktown Prawns is they way they invariably wind up in your swimming-pool...one Kreepy-Krauly per pool, I find, is more than enough.
Posted by: Joller | Nov 8, 2004 9:54:22 AM
I'm sorry. I am of the vegetarian persuation, which means I have an enormous respect for all life yadda yadda yadda.
Parktown Prawns are the Devil's own little buddies. Near unkillable, aggressive and scary as all hell. Even I have little sympathy for them.
Posted by: D'ave | Nov 8, 2004 10:12:43 AM
Shit that was funny. Makes me think back to varsity - one of the guys in the res had a symbiotic relationship with one particular Parktown Prawn.
He'd leave his half-eaten chops and left-over 2-minute noodles around his room for the PP to chow on, while the PP somehow kept the cockroaches and other nasty infestations out.
This PP was huge and fairly strong, evidenced when the PP was trapped under a metal trashcan. It simply moved around by nudging the trashcan from within. Nasty stuff.
Posted by: Aquila | Nov 8, 2004 12:27:52 PM
what a woes!
i suppose you dont even eat seafood cause it looks so damn ugly...
Posted by: rooibos | Nov 8, 2004 5:24:16 PM
Freakout. I suffer from PPP. Parktown Prawn Phobia. But fellow Splattermail bloggger smg has discovered the best way to deal with them: cover them with a bucket, wait three or four days, and then uncover them. Voila! - ants are particularly good at killing and dismantling PP's. After three trappings, the only remains we've discovered is a single hind leg.
Posted by: The Salami from Killarney | Nov 15, 2004 12:53:57 PM
creepy!!! ... i was busy cleening my pool yesterday. i back washed and what pops up. the biggest PP i've ever seen. Hydraucloric acid did the trick ...
Posted by: joe | Nov 22, 2004 10:19:21 AM
I hate those MF's as well! Just had a bit of an experience with one a few mins ago. I've seen between 8 and 10 since living here in JHB (2 years), but this was definately the biggest one I've ever seen! I find RAID in the silver can everntually kills them, so I RAIDed it. We'll see his remains in the morning.....he's lying on my verandah!
We have so much crime here in JHB, why on earth were we still cursed with Prawns?????
PS : I have small collection of dead prawns killed by if anyone is interested. I HATE them Mo'fo's...
Posted by: gol | Jan 21, 2005 9:01:21 PM
Have you ever had your kids screaming hystericaly in their bedrooms at night, you come running to find the boogeyman and crunch something under your foot as you sprint into the room.I can handle blood ,rotten food , snakes whatever but parktown prawns -no way they're destined for a toilet flushing. The other monsters can stay in my garden but not PPs. RIP
Posted by: Andrew | Jan 28, 2005 9:59:46 AM
I have found that if you throw a brick at it, it will throw the brick right back at you. If you spray it with doom, it will lay there and sort of bathe in it. If you stomp it, you find yourself sitting with and infestation. I would like to know, how does one effectively irradicate them for good? Why do you never see them when they are small, only when they are gigantic and ready to take on the world?
Posted by: kris | Nov 10, 2005 7:17:12 AM
Im just about ready to move out of my place after having 3 encounters with one of "the worlds most ugliest creatures"...im totally freaked out by them, especially after living in Durbs all my life!!
Posted by: Prinola | Nov 24, 2005 3:09:16 PM
Im also a hater of these "oversized creatures" also want to know why you never see them as babies???? I do know that if you can find their home underground you take "hot water with dishwashing liquid" and pour and pour and pour. As when you see one creeping in your house. Where i live i see at least 4 a week!!!! enough to give me nightmares cause if you dont get the hot water in time they dissapear and then you spend the rest of the night not watching anything but the floor!!!! any way back to getting rid of them, hot water, dishwashing liquid and then throw over them. (yes ok to all of you that are pp lovers, sorry, i dont kill creatures but these ones are just to awful to cope with, so a when i kill one i just think that im washing the floor!!!!!
Posted by: Carol | Nov 28, 2005 9:57:48 AM
